First day posting

As I am sitting here trying to think of what to say...( my first blog should be meaningful or have some insight...right?) My mind is blank and all I can think about is how sad I am. Earlier this month Josh (my husband) was given the opportunity to apply for a job to be an instructor. To most this would not seem like something to be excited about, but to us it was an answer to our prayers. We have been hoping for this job to become available because it would mean he would be here for 4 years straight. No deployments no going away for short or long periods of time. After all the time we have spent apart so far in our relationship it seemed like something good was going to happen so we could actually spend another anniversary together or Christmas. Even start a family. I think that is why I am wanting him to get this position so badly is because I do want to have children, but I don't want to do it by myself. I mean there are the mothers who say they raised a child all alone, but for me its not about the raising of the child, it is about josh being there to watch my belly grow, and to be in the delivery room, and to be able to hold his child. Not for him to have to see his child for the first time through a picture or via web cam. I know I chose this life and am so grateful for what i have and for my amazing husband. But the reality of having to go through these things alone scares me to death. To those of you who complain that your husband isn't around enough, because he works to much or is in school or whatever. just be thankful that his work or school would not make him miss your childs birth or something that important. Mine would. Anyways back to the job thing. He found out today that they might not let him apply for it because the job he is in now is under staffed. Nothing is official but i just got my hopes up so much, and now I am having to think of the fact that he is probably leaving for another tour to the desert, and this time I don't have my family and friends around me for support. I know this sounds like i am just complaining about my life. but in my future blogs i will try to be upbeat. at least if its an upbeat day :)