been awhile

i know it has been some time since my last post, but i will fill you in on what has happened. i got offered a job on base at the youth center basically helping take the kids on field trips and stuff. i put in my notice at work and should be starting that the 1st of may. i start teaching dance and gymnastics on june 2nd. i am really excited about all of it, it seems like it has been a long time coming. Josh was told that he "unofficially" got a job as the PT person for his whole squadron. that includes like 800 people or something like that. i guess i should clarify, right now josh is a PT combat leader, meaning that during their morning PT ( physical training) josh is in charge of a number of people to get them in shape and make sure they pass their PT tests. well this job that he is being told he is getting is basically in charge of all the PT combat leaders. he would be out of his shop, have an office job basically 8-5 monday through friday, and best of all NO DEPLOYMENTS for at least a year but longer if he were to stay in the job longer. we are both really excited for all the changes that will be coming soon. we did not go up to atlanta for easter because josh ended up not getting friday off, and it would have been a really short weekend if we had to drive 4 hrs back and forth to his parents. we just spent a nice weekend at home. next week josh and i are taking a weeks vacation. we aren't going anywhere but just spring cleaning the house and enjoying being lazy. i wish i could be in utah seeing ambers baby though....if she has it that is.

feeling lost

today was another bad day...they all seem to be that way these days....work is what seems to get me down. well after work i called the base, i have been having trouble finding the right insurance people with the right prices...it just seems like i have to put a lot of money down and then the payments are higher than what i expected ( for liability for my tumbling classes ) well i am going to start teaching first week of june if all goes right. i applied for a job on base as well. it is as a school aged instructor assistant for the youth center....not sure what i do exactly but i know i take them on field trips three times a week and they said they would work around my dance classes and stuff. the pay is better than what i make now and will be even better six months after i am there. its not a for sure thing, but i put my application in on wednesday and the lady i am working with about the dance stuff asked me today on the phone if i could come in monday for an interview. things are looking up in that aspect.

sometimes i feel like i never can do anything right, or i am not a good enough wife. as much as i try to be the perfect wife i always fall really really short.....the house seems like i clean it and then it becomes a mess ( it doesn't help that josh and i are working different shifts and we are both exhausted) but today especially i just feel like i am never going to be good enough for josh. he has never said it and tells me that he appreciates everything that i do, but i know its not enough. i wish i could be like my mom...i swear she was like wonder woman...house was always clean, dinner always prepared and she worked harder than anyone i have ever known. kinda hard to live up to those kind of standards. today is just a down day for me...every now and then being so far away from home and family just gets to me. i feel like i hold all of my emotions in and then a day like today comes and everything falls apart. all the emotions i have been holding in just come tumbling out in a fight with josh over something i did wrong. the tears start coming and wont stop. i hate that i feel like my heart is being pulled from my chest because i miss my family and i hate not being there for them during special times in their lives. i hate that i was not there to throw amber an amazing baby shower or help her with anything she needed. i hate that i don't get to see all my nieces and nephews, and hang out with my dad cause i know he needs to be around one of his favorite daughters. and i really miss my mom.....she is one of my best friends and i hate not being able to cry on her shoulder and have her hug me and tell me everything will be ok.....on a somewhat happier note because i know this is a pretty unhappy blog.....josh and i went with some friends target shooting last sunday, it was a lot of fun and i have not done it in forever. dad you will be proud to know that your teaching paid off and i kicked butt :) i got pictures and i will put them up soon. i miss you guys...and love you so much

catching up

just thought i would catch all of you up on the latest ( all of you meaning like the two people who actually read this blog) anyways josh did not get the job he applied for, but there is another opening for one here in a couple months. they said it was because someone else had better computer skills. anyways that day he started working on his computer skills so hopefully that wont be a problem this time. besides the job opening here in valdosta we are trying to keep our options open. as much as we would like to go back to utah, there isn't an opening there until 2010, so we will see when the time comes. until then josh is going to apply for the same position as an instructor, in as many places as he can....the one i am hoping for ( but i tell josh i am not getting my hopes up) is Guam. i just think it would be amazing to live somewhere exotic for a couple years. anyways enough about him......the dance thing is still slowly rolling, but who really knows when that will start. as all of you know i love film and have been sad that since moving here i have had to put that on hiatus. well i hate my job now and it seems to get worse and worse everyday. so i called a local photography place and asked if they do wedding videography, they don't but they gave me the number of a production studio here in town that does. so i am going to email them tonight and see if they need help. at work later today i had a patient with the same name as the photography studio i had called, well it happened to be the owner and i asked him if they offer those keepsake videos that i have done for all my friends weddings. its where you take pictures of the couple from the time they were little until now and put it with music and add transitions and stuff. well this stuff is cake to me and takes maybe an hour for me to do once all the pics are in the computer, and people charge like 300 dollars for this stuff. so anyways i asked the guy if he would want to add this as a service for his client el, he gave me his card and said he was very interested and wanted to talk to me more about it. so hopefully something will work out. i am just tired of my thankless job and want to do something i enjoy. on a sadder note, since moving here i have really only made one really good girl friend. she is the wife of one of the guys josh works with, and he decided to get out of the air force. so they are moving back to california ( actually close to where we grew up....Davis) they are leaving and again i am going to be friendless. we will of course stay in touch but i guess that is the life of the military always leaving friends and family.